BIOS Screen of Death?

Friday Five:

1. Once again, I am forced to steal time on my brother's computer. Mine won't boot up, it gets stuck on the BIOS screen. I fear for it's life...Hopefully I will get it to Clayton soon and he will save it. At least it's not the blue screen of death. Oh I hope it's able to be saved. I really can't afford a new computer right now.

2. Nunsense A-Men's opening went well...it definitely needed an audience. Still, would have been nice to see a bigger one than what we got, especially considering that almost no one in the audience paid (lots of Marble Stage members, who get a free ticket, came, as well as two Arts for Life judges). I'm a little worried we won't break even.

3. End of the season at work. Bittersweet. I really love the job, and almost everyone I work with. So much. Also, exhausting, because everyone is leaving for college, which leaves a significantly smaller portion of us to work. Oh well...I guess I'll be making more money.

4. I just realized I only have about two weeks until my audition for The Boyfriend at Meramec. Greg and I have done NO preparation. Fuck.

5. I still need to find a new job for during the school year.

Exhausted as usual,
Abigail

EDIT: I fixed my computer. I'm an idiot.

This Time

It's 4 a.m. and I'm wide awake
Waiting for my thoughts to fade
A flickering of all of my mistakes
And as the light starts creeping in
I slowly feel
The day I'm missing
But I wouldn't even know where to begin

Do I push to hard?
Or fall to fast?
The moment never seems to last
Will I stop long enough to know

Everybody burns
And when it starts to hurt,
I cry
I feel it in my veins
I just can't walk away,
This time

Your words circle in my head
Weigh so heavy on my chest
And I'm crushed by your expectation
I only want to do some good
Too dumb to know if I could
And I just wanna feel the days I'm in

Do I go to far,
Not far enough?
Why can't I keep my big mouth shut?
And do we lead the life that we should?

Everybody burns
And when it starts to hurt,
I cry
I feel it in my veins
I just can't walk away,
This time

Did I say to much again?
I'm just a girl in a panic
If I tell you my truth
Am I getting through?
It just seems I should confess
Who am I to pretend
This is more than I can carry

Everybody burns
And when it starts to hurt,
I cry
I hold my head up high
I know I'll be alright
This time
I feel it in my veins
I just can't walk away
This time
This time,
This time
This time,
This time

It's 4 am and I'm wide awake
Waiting for my thoughts to fade
It's times like these I see your face

Vanessa Carlton, "This Time"

Singing away my sorrows,
Abigail

Nice To Meet You, Rose, Now Run For Your Life!

(Late) Friday Five time! (Sorry folks, forgot to post this over here after I posted it on LJ.)

1. I'm ready for school to start. I need more of a routine...work and one show (that is about to end) just aren't enough. I need to be busy to be happy. I've got too much time to relax right now...and that means too much time to think. Also, I just can't wait for my classes. I have a wonderful schedule (see below!) Friday's off!

2. I'm slowly, but not quite surely, cleaning my room. I may be deluding myself, but I think I'm making minute progress. Which is better than no progress right? It's been horrendously messy all summer. Normally, I would clean it before I got busy, so that it would get quite so bad. Or, I would be forced to clean it because we were moving. Which was a possibility. A possibility I wouldn't rule out for the next year or so. That's what sucks about renting a house...they can just refuse to renew your lease, and that's that.

3. I really need to find a new job. I don't want to go back to JKidz, and the pool closes on Labor Day, after which I'll get my last check. Thankfully, I'll probably be getting extra hours when everyone who goes to school out of town leaves, but still. It's not gonna be that much more money. I think I'm going to apply at Quik Trip, Best Buy, and the dollar store in Yorkshire Plaza (if they're still hiring). Any other ideas? None of those exactly thrill me.

4. Twitter is broken. Not everyone's, just a lot of people's. I get everyone's updates, but I can't update (mobile, web, or application, although commenting on Twitpic DID work), I can't delete or reset my phone, and I can't follow anyone new. Nothing is responding to me. Why, Twitter, whyyyyyy?

5. I love Doctor Who. So freaking much. It's ridiculous. I'm having Kelby going through from the beginning of the new series. I think I'm having more fun that he is :D

Schedule:
Class Piano I - MW - 11:00am-11:50am
Acting II - MW - 12:30pm-1:45pm
Stagecraft - TTh - 9:30am-10:45am
Cornerstone (Shakespeare in Film) - TTh - 11:00am-12:15pm
Choir - TTh - 12:30pm-1:45pm

Yay! Out before 2 every day, and no Fridays! :D

Signing off,
Abigail

Fuck You.

Fuck you, you dumb asshole. You act like things "didn't work out" but you didn't even give them a chance to work out, didn't even try to work them out with me. Things got rough and I wanted to work them out. You chose to give up on me, which makes me feel fantastic, let me tell ya. It feels awesome when I am not even worth working things out with. Thanks. So stop moping and acting all depressed because things "didn't work out between us and that's sad" because it was your own fucking choice.

Also:
-Don't tell me you tried to hang out with me and that I already had plans. You never once asked me to hang out, and I asked you twice and you turned me down.
-Don't tell me I didn't want to be with you.
-Don't you dare tell me that you cared more about me.
-Don't try and cop out of the conversation because you think I'm being argumentative/sarcastic/etc...especially when I am not.
-Don't act like I was avoiding you for parties...I was bonding with my cast, (when did sitting around restaurants become a party?) I have the right to do that, don'tcha think?
-Stop being a douche bag. Just sayin'

Royally pissed,
Abigail

I Was Thinking....

Just a few stray thoughts:

- Everytime you call me "kid", my heart sinks a little bit.
- If I'm not getting dropped on my ass by some guy, I have to be the bitch myself.

I'm wearing down...I need a break. I'm glad that I don't work until Tuesday...that's one thing I don't have to worry about. Monday will be especially nice.

Lost in thought,
Abigail

Lists

The Friday Five (a little idea I'm stealing from one of my favorite authors):

1. I feel so off. All of these guys have got me down to a lower level than ever. And I hate that it's just dumb guys who have me so down. Even the things that normally make me feel better aren't making me feel better. The normal stuff isn't jolting me back to life. I feel dead inside. What's wrong with me?

2. I make lots of lists. I made twelve last night. Hell, I'm making one right now.

3. It's the six year anniversary of my boss's son's death tonight. It will be a sad day at work. Normally, they hold a small candlelight serviec after the pool closes for the night (it's a small private pool, a lot of the members knew Kevin quite well). This year, instead of the candles, they've hired the Sean Holland Band to celebrate their son's love of music, and will remain open an extra half an hour. I think it is all a wonderful idea, and I'm so happy that the weather is beautiful today. It's been so bad lately, I was worried it would ruin tonight's plans.

4. I am pleased with how good of a job I am doing hanging out with my friends from Oklahoma now that the show is over. I've hung out with Chris and the Krutas, gone across the river to hang out with the Krutas and just hung out with Paul last night, and I have lots of tentative plans coming up that I am very excited about. (the most exciting of which, being tattoo plans with Sister!)

5. I spent the day today with one of my best friends from high school. I miss Sarah so much sometimes. It's never not fun to be around her. We choreographed a dance to "Love Story" by Taylor Swift for Ryan and Shane to do at the employee talent show Sunday night...it will be HILARIOUS if they don't chicken out. Please don't chicken out!

List-maker extraordinaire,
Abigail

Realizations

Funnily enough, in one night I realize that my five "options" are not options at all, just wishful thinking. You can only imagine what a lovely effect that has had on my mood.

I had this all written out in my head, and yet I still cannot find the words to actually type it up. Strange how that works.

I guess I have just come to a few too many realizations in one night.

I've realized that people keep secrets from me, even if I tell them everything.
I've realized that I'm not over it, and that the gaping wounds are still fresh.
I've realized that I'm at a really crummy age because although I'm mature for my age, my age turns guys off.
I've realized that putting yourself out there is extremely dangerous, but utterly necessary.
I've realized that I'm not as smart as I always thought I was.
I've realized that I'm not as important to people as I thought.

That last one sucks the worst. Hurts.

P.S. - You said you didn't count. It's anything but that. So far from that. Just so you know.

Signing off,
Abigail