Back To The Closet!

I just got the e-mail from Michelle... Closet Land has been invited to the Region V American College Theatre Festival (ACTF) in January!!

This is really exciting. I've never taken a show on the road before. Plus, show or no show, ACTF is really fun. I believe it is in Overland Park, KS this year. Ahhhhhh! We have a meeting tomorrow afternoon. I'm so grateful to have even the littlest of backstage roles in this show.

In other news: I finally talked to Ryan. That was hard. But, I basically explained to him my situation, and just the emotional state I'm in at the moment. He seemed disappointed but I think he understands. I may have just salvaged that friendship after all. We'll see.

And quite possibly the most important news of all: Sausage, Egg and Cheese Biscuits from quick trip are FIRE.

Mommy Dearest

Dear Mom,

I just hung up on you after you yelled at me with no reason. Why did you call me back eight times in a row? I know you. I know it's not important. I know you just want another excuse to be upset with me because you're in a bad mood and dad won't be home tonight, so you can't take it out on him. (Remind me to warn Tom to stay away.) OF COURSE I'm going to ignore your call. You already constantly text and call me. I deeply regret teaching you how to text. I know I still live in your house and so you deserve to know where I go, but seriously, leave me alone.

Love,
Abby

Awesome

I had to wake up and go to school early to prime my flat since I forgot to do it yesterday. I knew Rick would be there and I thought he's give me crap for waiting till the last minute. Instead, he showed me what we were doing in class that day so that I could do that early as well and be able to leave early. Verdict: awesome!

The shows went awesome. Although I think they were a little confused by the latter, the audience loved both Superhero and Drive. I got a lot of compliments from friends and teachers who saw the show. Verdict: awesome!

I've been DYING to get tickets to Star Wars in Concert. They've been talking about it on the radio for months, and I've heard a lot of good things about it. I've been trying and failing to win radio contests and I was very close to caving in and buying the tickets myself. I got home twenty minutes ago, to discover an e-mail from my choir teacher telling us about a phone call he received. This phone call invited members of his choir to perform at the concert. I don't just get to see most of it for free...I get to PERFORM in it! Verdict: AWESOME!

My day: AWESOME!

Wishbone

Accomplishments 12/02
1. Did not kill director.
2. Finalized class schedule

I pulled a wishbone from our third turkey of the season with my dad. I won. The wish seems to be going well so far, but I'll get you know if it truly comes true. Also, I forgot to eat breakfast today. And still haven't eaten. And still need to go to Goodwill. And forgot to paint my flat so that it's white again tomorrow.

Schedule:
Oral Communications 1 - MWF - 11:00 - 11:50
General Psychology - MWF - 1:00 - 1:50
Intermediate Algebra - MWF - 2:00 - 2:50
Choir - TTh - 12:30 - 1:45
Theatre Practicum - Varies
Cornerstone (Free Will & Society) - Online

Bleh. No Fridays off. Not too terribly excited about this one.

Beautiful Soul

I'm learning to stand on my own two feet, but I still love every second I spend with you. You have a horrible streak of being inconsiderate, but I still know very few people with as beautiful of a soul as you.

Thanksgiving

I am thankful for you, every day, but it is really hard to deal with this when you treat me without a lick of consideration.

You say you want to be friends and yet you blatantly ignore me. Or you forget about me. Thanks! You already know that I feel like the most forgettable person in the world, so I really appreciate you milking that one. It's already going to be hard to be just friends. You're making it impossible by not trying. And if you think my occasional texts and phone calls are encroaching on your space, you should probably reevaluate your idea of space.

You say you understand how I feel. You do not understand how I feel. You have felt pain, probably greater pain than myself, at least within the relationship realm. You understand pain, and that I am feeling pain. But you only understand how this pain might make you feel, not how I feel now, not how I feel every day. If you did, maybe, just maybe, you would at least act like you give a shit.

And I know better. I know you. I know you care. But it fucking hurts that your actions make me doubt it for even a second.

So thanks. Thanks for this awesome start to Thanksgiving. But it's okay, it's sure to get better later, when I go have dinner with my deadbeat, pedophile uncle, and his family of alcoholics who turn to the drink to deny the hell they live in, and the kids suffering under their care. That's sure to cheer me up.

-----

Note To Readers: He'll probably never understand how I feel, because when I get upset with him, I contain these outbursts partly because I want to spare his feelings and also because I just don't have the guts to put it out there. I always have to be the fucking martyr, even for the people who hurt me. I wish I could tell him. I wish he did understand.

Affirmation #1

Affirmation:

I will not be okay.

I am okay.

I may hurt everyday... but I am alive, and I am okay.

Change Your Mind

I feel more and more numb every day. I feel empty.

Also, I saw him, and that sucked.

Girl don’t say a thing
Lie here next to me
Underneath the moonlight
I know it’s getting late
Let the music play
It’s okay to stay the night

How about we give this
One more try
Come on and let me hold you
Come on you know you want to
One more chance to finally
Get this right
I know you think it’s over
Give me a chance to
Change your mind

Ain't been easy
Never will be
It was good
And still could be
I want to touch your skin
Feel your face again
I still believe in you and me

How about we give this
One more try
So come on and let me hold you
Come on you know you want to
One more chance to finally
Get this right
I know you think it’s over
Give me a chance to
Change your mind

How about we give this
One more try
One more chance to finally
Get this right
I know you think it’s over
Give me a chance to
Change your mind

I still believe in you and me

Gloriana, "Change Your Mind"

Giving Up

If you give up on me, then I give up on me, too.

Just Another Day

It only hurts when I breathe.
It only hurts when I try.
It only hurts when I think.
It only hurts when I cry.
It only hurts when I work.
It only hurts when I play.
It only hurts when I move.
It only hurts when I say
It's just another day

-Next To Normal

For Amy

So, originally, this post was to ask you to pray for (or keep in your thoughts) a friend of mine from high school, because her father passed away today.

Then, I realized, she's not really my friend. I mean, we used to be friends, but things got rough as we got older because she went through a pretty big (but subtle) streak of backstabbing, and I both had a temper and was usually a victim or rather close to the victim of the backstabbing. I actually haven't talked to on more than a few occasions after I graduated.

But she used to be my friend, so I'm still compelled to not only pray for her (which I would for anyone, friend or not) but to let her know I can do whatever she needs of me, even if we had quite a wedge between us my senior year.

But please, keep my old friend and her family in your thoughts and prayers.

Burning Dreams

I had a very strange dream last night.

We were having a sort of...family reunion on the third floor of my old grade school, St. George, except the rooms, which were most definitely on the third floor, looked more like the rectory rooms underneath the gymnasium across the street, set up and all. Also, a large portion of my extended family was black. My dad left and said he was going to pick up Cornbread from the 92.3 WIL morning show (which is weird because my dad hates that guy!). And then, some of us went downstairs to the parking lot, saw the American flag out front burning and falling off of the pole and realized the entire building was burning down, for a reason I never determined before I woke up.

Yeah. I was thoroughly confused when I woke up this morning.

My Psycho-Pharma-cologist and I...

1. I have a doctor's appointment today. Icky. I don't like doctors. They just team up with the pharmacists to over-medicate America.

2. The opening of Come and Go went very well. I was very disappointed, though, that the crowd there to see us only included Michelle. A whole group from Theatre Club had said that they were going to be there, and we were very excited to see them. Oh well. Michelle enjoyed it, which is good, because she is our acting teacher. She had a lot of positive things to say.

3. I am applying today to work as a Museum Guide at the Magic House. I really hope I get this job. I really need the money, more and more every day, but even more so, it's just a job I would love to have. The Magic House is an awesome place, and I love kids. So getting to reveal the "magic" would be fun.

4. Along with my cast mates, I crashed a rehearsal of The Boy Friend, which turned out to be a horrible idea. Seeing how bad some of the cast of that show are made me feel horrible about my self. They are really better than me? That sounds horrible, but you think your talent is at a certain level and then you find out you are a lot worse than you thought - it's a crushing feeling.

5. I'm still managing to spend a bit of time with Paul even though I can't afford to be driving out to Collinsville. It helps that he has an excuse to be up here every night for a show, but I think once that's over, I'll start feeling guilty when he drives up here all of the time, because there's no telling when I'll be able to drive out there again. Even if I get hired at the Magic House, that'll probably take about a week, and then it'll be at least two weeks before I get a paycheck. And even then, I'll have to put ALL of that money into paying off my bank account.

<3

Falling...
Falling..
Falling.

Every day.

<3

Eight Years.

Happy Friday! Well, it's not so happy, but at least it's Friday.

1. My bank account is overdrawn again. Fucking hell. I deposited enough money into my account to make it positive by about fifteen dollars, but apparently three charges still hadn't gone through. So now, the hole is deeper than ever. And I have until the thirtieth to get this fixed, because that's when my credit card payment gets taken out, and I can't afford to get behind on that again.

2. Still no job. I have a list of places that I am going to apply at...but the place I am hoping to work at is the Cheesecake Factory. It's delicious, for one. But the main reason is because I would like to be getting tip money. It would be nice to be taking home cash after a every shift, as well as getting a paycheck. Americans, we like instant gratification!

3. I am very interested in the response that Samuel Becketts "Come and Go" will get at the one act festival. It is very much an absurdist show and not at all what most people are going to be expecting.

4. I made it into Chamber Choir! This is Meramec's first Chamber Choir, and the first select choir in a long time. I was very worried about getting in, because he hardly had me sing at the come back, and it was very awkward because everybody noticed. Stupidly enough, I was so pessimistic that I actually sat through about half of the rehearsal pouting because I assumed I hadn't made it. But for once, I have something going for me. But we have very little rehearsal time, a total of about fifty minutes a week...it will be an interesting ride.

5. It's been eight years since the 9/11 tragedy. Some days it seems much further back in my memory, and some days it seems like yesterday. I remember that I was in sixth grade, and still going to St. George. When the first plane hit, I was in Ms. Knight's horrid English class and she was quite oblivious and didn't tune us in, so none of us knew anything about it. But then we went to second period Social Studies with Mr. Bettonville, who was of course tuned it. Oddly enough, I assumed it was fake news coverage from a movie that the eighth grade class had been watching. But when we never started class, it slowly dawned on be what was happening. That was scary and confusing and horrible to watch, but what scared me the most was the plane crash in Washington D.C., where one of my favorite uncles is a police officer, and has previously worked with the Secret Service. Fortunately, for my family, everything turned out okay. But the bigger picture was not so great. It is still so heartbreaking to think about all of the families ripped apart that day, all of the lives lost. Eight years later, my heart still goes out to everyone affected by this tragedy.

Gotcha!

Today was supposed to be the day I could finally breathe a sigh of relief.

Today is the day the pool closed for the year. Although I do not have a job for the rest of the year yet, there will be no more dealing with being paid below minimum wage, and never getting my hours.

Today, I found out my bank account was negative. Very much in the negative.

Do I need to reiterate the fact that makes this even worse? I will, anyway: "I do not have a job for the rest of the year yet."

Today has been one big, fat "Gotcha!". Relief one second, horror the next.

Happy fucking Labor Day.

Happy Anyway.

1. I find random people extremely frustrating lately. Absolutely frustrating and infuriating. For very little reason. No one who reads this that I know of (I think) so no worries to you. I don't really know why I do this. It always happens when I'm really happy, oddly enough. It's as if my mind doesn't want anyone around who isn't absolutely wonderful to be around. Sigh.

2. I've been sick the past couple of days. I had another one of my horrible headaches on Wednesday. I thought it was the usual headache, but instead of going away when it usually does, it, along with my nausea, got worse until I started getting shaky and dizzy and just had to go home. I ended up skipping Acting 2, which I really hate to do, because I had some work to do with Dennis and Holly. But I called them before class and they were really nice about it. I have to work really hard to save my absences in case something like this happens again.

3. Work is almost through. Not that it isn't through anyway, for me at least. I have worked a total of two hours and thirty minutes in the past week. This is horrible because I don't have a year-round job yet. And I need the work this weekend, but I'd almost rather not even bother. It's supposed to be rainy all weekend anyway. I probably won't even get called in today. We'll find out in about an hour or so.

4. My room is so, so close to being finished. I'm losing the will to finish it though. It's like, eh, I have a floor, good enough. If I could afford the loft bed I want (I showed you in a previous post) it would be a HUGE motivator. But I don't even have that much in my bank account. This is NOT good.

5. Despite how crummy life seems right now, overall, I'm still absolutely wonderful. I'm hanging out with new friends at school, I'm keeping in touch with new Oklahoma friends, things with Paul are wonderful and life is just pretty good, and even though 1-4 are pretty crappy, I just can't forget how blessed I am. :D

Hello, September

I have had quite a frustrating start to September so far. Stagecraft was pretty dull, just going over definitions that I've known since the seventh grade, but not everyone in the class has done theatre before so I still have to "learn" them. It's not their fault to I don't really complain in class...so you get to listen to me bitch. :D

Shakespeare in Film was better than usual, mostly because it was a movie day and I'm actually enjoying Shakespeare in Love. Professor Burke really doesn't know when to shut up, though.

Choir was, surprisingly, the most frustrating part of my day. Apparently, no one in my section could follow the basic instructions on lining up to try out for Chamber. Also, it's extremely difficult to work with our accompanist when our director is otherwise occupied (with Chamber auditions). She's a wonderful accompanist, but she is very quiet, has trouble commanding the attention of the group (who admittedly should probably be old enough to sit down and pay attention a little better on their own) and doesn't really understand the problems we're having when we stumble across one. I was very ready for that class to end today.

And now, I'm off to work...the last place that I want to be. My schedule is fucked this weekend because when I was planning other things I had switched around my hours in my head. Shit.

Auditions

The Friday Five.

1. I auditioned for the musical, The Boy Friend, at Meramec last night. My singing went fairly well. After I sang my song, Myers had me sprint three laps around the stage and sing it again. Reading was alright. The dancing was hard. I've gotten really good at dancing in the past few years, but when I have to jump into a style of dance that I am unfamiliar with, it takes me a little longer than fifteen minutes to pick it up. I thought I was faking it a little better than I apparently was, but then again, theatre is like 99% rejection, and if you got into every show you auditioned for you wouldn't have anything to strive for. I am really disappointed that I didn't make it because I wanted to do this musical quite badly. And I just want to do any musical pretty badly. Better luck next year. Congrats to everyone who made it in!

2. Last night I also auditioned for our HEC one act, Come and Go by Samuel Beckett, and that audition was a success. I will be playing Vi. I only have about six or seven lines, but it's only about eight minutes long, and the other two characters have the same amount of lines. It's hard to explain, you kind of have to see it to understand. But I'm really excited. It goes up mid September, I'll definitely have more information on it as it nears.

3. It's really nice to see everyone at school and catch up. It was fun seeing Nicki. We aren't too close but we had to spend a lot of time together during Pterodactyls. I also caught up with Sean. And there are a few people from my Acting 1 class that I'm in classes with this semester once again. I think it's going to be quite a good few months.

4. I'm going to try and do some volunteering up at Bayless this year. I really hope Lulu goes for it. I'm leaning towards teaching theatre at the moment, so I want to do as much theatre as possible, especially in a school atmosphere. I really need to decide if I want to do this.

5. My throat is really phlegm-y today. Strangely phelgm-y, even for me, and my throat is pretty bad. It's really uncomfortable and icky. I hope I am not getting sick or anything. I've got a little too much going on at the moment, yikes!

Hacking away,
Abigail

The Return

First day back to school.

It was rather ordinary, quite honestly. Woke up, drove Nicki to school, realized I forgot my parking pass, went home and went back to school.

My first class was piano, to which my first reaction was, surprise Tyler! I had no idea he was going to be in the class but it's nice to have a buddy. The piano lab is really neat. There is a computer hooked up to every piano and they are all set up with two headphone jacks: one for the student so that we can all practice during class without disturbing one another, and another for the professor so that only she is listening when you are tested. I've wanted to learn piano for a long time, so I'm very excited to finally be able to play. Also - our final is during the last week of classes, so that's one class I don't have to keep going to school for during finals week, yay!

My other Monday-Wednesday class is acting two. Michelle's classes are always pleasant yet challenging, so I've been looking forward to it. A few people I know from my acting one class, theatre club and even one guy I did a show with a few years back are all in it. It's very small. There were only nine people there, with one missing. Our major project in the class is working with the directing students to put on a 10-minute play festival in Deecmber. I'm excited to act in a show at Meramec, even if it's a tiny one.

It seems like it will be an enjoyable semester. It should help boost my GPA up some as well.

Other than all of that, work is winding down for the year, and I'm sick of it and ready for it to be over. I'll probably be called off all week.

With an aching head,
Abigail

Bonus: Sunday Seven!

Oops...I forgot the Friday Five this time around...instead...you get a Sunday Seven!

1. Children of the Earth: Oh. My. Gosh. Iaaaanto, why, baby, why? I miss you. CotE was a thrilling ride, but I was still really disappointed in the week-long season. I feel like the fans got shafted out of a real season. At least with the janky season of Doctor Who specials, it's spread it. Torchwood this season was such a one-shot, even if we did spread it out over a few weekends. I feel like Gareth David-Lloyd really got jipped, too, not even getting a full last season.

2. I am slowly making progress on my room? I phrase that as a question because I am not sure how well the word "progress" actually describes it. I've gotten rid of an awful lot of clothes, hung up all my dresses and pants and organized some of my clothes into the very heavy dresser that I single-handedly moved into my room, and picked up some trash and old papers. But I've still got a pile of clothes left to be organized, millions of papers, and books, and decorations. I have to figure out how I'm going to get that bed and also how to organize hats and scarves and the excess of shoes that I have. Plus, I have no idea what to do with all these fucking hangers. They'll probably all go to Marble Stage eventually.

3. I still need to find a new job. Indian Hills is very quickly winding down for the season, not that I'm getting many hours anyway in this weather. I am running out of money fast. Thankfully, I've made an arrangement with Greg to trade my services (Cleaning! Get your mind out of the gutter.) for voice lessons, an hour for an hour. That will help. But I'm driving out to Collinsville a lot, as well as getting out and about more often. I would like to not have to be asking my parents for money as often as I have to.

4. I also really need to clean out my car. Poor Sally. It looks like I live in there. My back seat still has Oklahoma costumes in it. It's ridiculous. Just sayin'.

5. I don't think I'm going to be able to go to see Mary Poppins at the Fox, but Stevie got me a signed program. Yay Stevie! I'm very excited that she thought of me when she did this, especially because I couldn't go with her because I had a rehearsal of my own.

6. Snow White and Rumplestiltskin are both turning out to be very fun. Snow White is coming along quickly (Holy crap, we open soon!) and as far as Rumplestiltskin goes, it's nice to work with a different group of people, although, I suppose it's not that different. But I've never really acted with Greg before, and although I've been in two shows with Lori, we've never really done much together. Ricki is really fun to work with, too. Snow White is in September and Rumplestiltskin is in October. You should definitely see both!

7. Lastly, my summer of romance woes has finally come to a close. I've liked Paul, quite a lot, for quite some time, I've (namelessly) talked about him on here several times. He is the last person I thought anything would work out with - not because I liked him less, just because I doubted it - but it did. I feel like it's just been building up all summer and now it's finally happened, and I'm so happy. It hasn't made all of my problems go away. There are still hard times, days that are rough to get through, insecurities that I continue to suffer through. But I feel so much better. I found myself again. I lost faith in myself and my ability to cope with life, and I've learned that's the worst thing that I can do. I'm back on my feet though, and getting stronger every day.

Focus?

The past few days have been absolutely wonderful. Out of a dream.

My current project is to get my room clean, hopefully before school starts, which only gives me until about 10:45 a.m. on Monday. Today, I started by cleaning out the floor of my closet, and moving this heavy, heavy dresser into my closet.It's still very messy looking, but you get the idea. It's a big dresser, but I think I am gaining more space by using it than I am losing. I fit some of my shoes back onto the floor, but I think I'll need to set up at least one level of shelving on each side to accomodate the rest. Thankfully I have a shoe organizer hanging on the back of my door that helps take care of some of them.

Next on my list is getting a loft bed. Now, I have been putting a lot of research into this bed. I know they can be kind of tricky, so I'm always checking measurements and such. And I've come up with a million different layouts for my room based around a loft bed. The downside of a loft bed is that they are often quite expensive. But it's fate. Today when I was shopping for nothing in particular at Walmart with Joker, I was telling her about my plans and about how much trouble I've been having finding an afforable loft bed, when we turned the corner and found it!

It's perfect. It's $169.00, and it fits with the meaurements I need. My mattress should fit, that's the last thing I need to check. It's wide enough for a desk to fit under (actually, I think the desk I already own will fit!), and the bed's platform is high enough for me to fit my lovely orange armchair under. I want it. I need it!

Also on the wishlist:
- A mini-fridge (If I can fit one somewhere)
- This really cool shower curtain because I can't stand that we have no shelving in our shower.
- A lamp for under the bed
- A rug
- A clock
- A dry erase and/or bulletin board
- Curtains
- String lights
- A array of picture frames
- Floor pillows/cushions
- A dustbuster
- A set of luggage
- A fabric steamer

And there are a million other things I want but shouldn't really even be thinking about. So, for now, I'll be leaving you.

Planning the night away,
Abigail

Pinch Me

...was that a dream?

I sure hope not.

BIOS Screen of Death?

Friday Five:

1. Once again, I am forced to steal time on my brother's computer. Mine won't boot up, it gets stuck on the BIOS screen. I fear for it's life...Hopefully I will get it to Clayton soon and he will save it. At least it's not the blue screen of death. Oh I hope it's able to be saved. I really can't afford a new computer right now.

2. Nunsense A-Men's opening went well...it definitely needed an audience. Still, would have been nice to see a bigger one than what we got, especially considering that almost no one in the audience paid (lots of Marble Stage members, who get a free ticket, came, as well as two Arts for Life judges). I'm a little worried we won't break even.

3. End of the season at work. Bittersweet. I really love the job, and almost everyone I work with. So much. Also, exhausting, because everyone is leaving for college, which leaves a significantly smaller portion of us to work. Oh well...I guess I'll be making more money.

4. I just realized I only have about two weeks until my audition for The Boyfriend at Meramec. Greg and I have done NO preparation. Fuck.

5. I still need to find a new job for during the school year.

Exhausted as usual,
Abigail

EDIT: I fixed my computer. I'm an idiot.

This Time

It's 4 a.m. and I'm wide awake
Waiting for my thoughts to fade
A flickering of all of my mistakes
And as the light starts creeping in
I slowly feel
The day I'm missing
But I wouldn't even know where to begin

Do I push to hard?
Or fall to fast?
The moment never seems to last
Will I stop long enough to know

Everybody burns
And when it starts to hurt,
I cry
I feel it in my veins
I just can't walk away,
This time

Your words circle in my head
Weigh so heavy on my chest
And I'm crushed by your expectation
I only want to do some good
Too dumb to know if I could
And I just wanna feel the days I'm in

Do I go to far,
Not far enough?
Why can't I keep my big mouth shut?
And do we lead the life that we should?

Everybody burns
And when it starts to hurt,
I cry
I feel it in my veins
I just can't walk away,
This time

Did I say to much again?
I'm just a girl in a panic
If I tell you my truth
Am I getting through?
It just seems I should confess
Who am I to pretend
This is more than I can carry

Everybody burns
And when it starts to hurt,
I cry
I hold my head up high
I know I'll be alright
This time
I feel it in my veins
I just can't walk away
This time
This time,
This time
This time,
This time

It's 4 am and I'm wide awake
Waiting for my thoughts to fade
It's times like these I see your face

Vanessa Carlton, "This Time"

Singing away my sorrows,
Abigail

Nice To Meet You, Rose, Now Run For Your Life!

(Late) Friday Five time! (Sorry folks, forgot to post this over here after I posted it on LJ.)

1. I'm ready for school to start. I need more of a routine...work and one show (that is about to end) just aren't enough. I need to be busy to be happy. I've got too much time to relax right now...and that means too much time to think. Also, I just can't wait for my classes. I have a wonderful schedule (see below!) Friday's off!

2. I'm slowly, but not quite surely, cleaning my room. I may be deluding myself, but I think I'm making minute progress. Which is better than no progress right? It's been horrendously messy all summer. Normally, I would clean it before I got busy, so that it would get quite so bad. Or, I would be forced to clean it because we were moving. Which was a possibility. A possibility I wouldn't rule out for the next year or so. That's what sucks about renting a house...they can just refuse to renew your lease, and that's that.

3. I really need to find a new job. I don't want to go back to JKidz, and the pool closes on Labor Day, after which I'll get my last check. Thankfully, I'll probably be getting extra hours when everyone who goes to school out of town leaves, but still. It's not gonna be that much more money. I think I'm going to apply at Quik Trip, Best Buy, and the dollar store in Yorkshire Plaza (if they're still hiring). Any other ideas? None of those exactly thrill me.

4. Twitter is broken. Not everyone's, just a lot of people's. I get everyone's updates, but I can't update (mobile, web, or application, although commenting on Twitpic DID work), I can't delete or reset my phone, and I can't follow anyone new. Nothing is responding to me. Why, Twitter, whyyyyyy?

5. I love Doctor Who. So freaking much. It's ridiculous. I'm having Kelby going through from the beginning of the new series. I think I'm having more fun that he is :D

Schedule:
Class Piano I - MW - 11:00am-11:50am
Acting II - MW - 12:30pm-1:45pm
Stagecraft - TTh - 9:30am-10:45am
Cornerstone (Shakespeare in Film) - TTh - 11:00am-12:15pm
Choir - TTh - 12:30pm-1:45pm

Yay! Out before 2 every day, and no Fridays! :D

Signing off,
Abigail

Fuck You.

Fuck you, you dumb asshole. You act like things "didn't work out" but you didn't even give them a chance to work out, didn't even try to work them out with me. Things got rough and I wanted to work them out. You chose to give up on me, which makes me feel fantastic, let me tell ya. It feels awesome when I am not even worth working things out with. Thanks. So stop moping and acting all depressed because things "didn't work out between us and that's sad" because it was your own fucking choice.

Also:
-Don't tell me you tried to hang out with me and that I already had plans. You never once asked me to hang out, and I asked you twice and you turned me down.
-Don't tell me I didn't want to be with you.
-Don't you dare tell me that you cared more about me.
-Don't try and cop out of the conversation because you think I'm being argumentative/sarcastic/etc...especially when I am not.
-Don't act like I was avoiding you for parties...I was bonding with my cast, (when did sitting around restaurants become a party?) I have the right to do that, don'tcha think?
-Stop being a douche bag. Just sayin'

Royally pissed,
Abigail

I Was Thinking....

Just a few stray thoughts:

- Everytime you call me "kid", my heart sinks a little bit.
- If I'm not getting dropped on my ass by some guy, I have to be the bitch myself.

I'm wearing down...I need a break. I'm glad that I don't work until Tuesday...that's one thing I don't have to worry about. Monday will be especially nice.

Lost in thought,
Abigail

Lists

The Friday Five (a little idea I'm stealing from one of my favorite authors):

1. I feel so off. All of these guys have got me down to a lower level than ever. And I hate that it's just dumb guys who have me so down. Even the things that normally make me feel better aren't making me feel better. The normal stuff isn't jolting me back to life. I feel dead inside. What's wrong with me?

2. I make lots of lists. I made twelve last night. Hell, I'm making one right now.

3. It's the six year anniversary of my boss's son's death tonight. It will be a sad day at work. Normally, they hold a small candlelight serviec after the pool closes for the night (it's a small private pool, a lot of the members knew Kevin quite well). This year, instead of the candles, they've hired the Sean Holland Band to celebrate their son's love of music, and will remain open an extra half an hour. I think it is all a wonderful idea, and I'm so happy that the weather is beautiful today. It's been so bad lately, I was worried it would ruin tonight's plans.

4. I am pleased with how good of a job I am doing hanging out with my friends from Oklahoma now that the show is over. I've hung out with Chris and the Krutas, gone across the river to hang out with the Krutas and just hung out with Paul last night, and I have lots of tentative plans coming up that I am very excited about. (the most exciting of which, being tattoo plans with Sister!)

5. I spent the day today with one of my best friends from high school. I miss Sarah so much sometimes. It's never not fun to be around her. We choreographed a dance to "Love Story" by Taylor Swift for Ryan and Shane to do at the employee talent show Sunday night...it will be HILARIOUS if they don't chicken out. Please don't chicken out!

List-maker extraordinaire,
Abigail

Realizations

Funnily enough, in one night I realize that my five "options" are not options at all, just wishful thinking. You can only imagine what a lovely effect that has had on my mood.

I had this all written out in my head, and yet I still cannot find the words to actually type it up. Strange how that works.

I guess I have just come to a few too many realizations in one night.

I've realized that people keep secrets from me, even if I tell them everything.
I've realized that I'm not over it, and that the gaping wounds are still fresh.
I've realized that I'm at a really crummy age because although I'm mature for my age, my age turns guys off.
I've realized that putting yourself out there is extremely dangerous, but utterly necessary.
I've realized that I'm not as smart as I always thought I was.
I've realized that I'm not as important to people as I thought.

That last one sucks the worst. Hurts.

P.S. - You said you didn't count. It's anything but that. So far from that. Just so you know.

Signing off,
Abigail

Choices

1) We have been hanging out, and we hit it off right away. Things were going fantastically, but now that I've been busy with Oklahoma tech and productions, he's gotten very weird. It's hard to find time to hang out because he just wants to spend time alone with me, and feels unimportant because I won't. I am hopeful that things will go back to normal when the show is over, but this is far from the last show I'm going to be doing. Will the pattern continue?

2) You suckered me in when I was vulnerable and completely swept me off my feet. And then dropped me like a hot potato. I would come crawling back in a heartbeat, pathetic as that is.

3) You have an obvious issue with the age difference. You've told me that specifically, actually. Plus, my friend likes you. I'm not really torn up about this one - I never really got in deep because I knew about the age problem from square one. There's probably no reason for you to be on this list, but hey, you're a cutie.

4) You flirt with me outrageously, and I love it. I'm pretty sure you just want some fun before you move, but I'm okay with that (and not to mention extremely flattered).

5) I absolutely adore you and fully believe that we are perfect for each other. But I have not the slightest idea how you feel about me, and judging by the way you act lately, I think you are shying away from me. This makes me sad, because I think we could be great. Wonderful. Fantastic.

This probably makes me seem like a skank. Sorry, I'm a little boy crazy right now.

Signing off,
Abigail

Fallen

I am completely head over heels for a boy.

He is absolutely adorable in every way. I am perfect for him, and he is perfect for me.

And I can't have him. The end.

Signing off,
Abigail

Powerless

Apparently, anger does not equal power. I though I had the power, and that I was walking away from him because I was the one who was angry and he was the one who doesn't care, but that's not true. He has the power because his actions gave me no choice but to walk away. He wins; I lose. The end.

"I hate the way you talk to me, and the way you cut your hair. I hate the way you drive my car. I hate it when you stare. I hate your big dumb combat boots, and the way you read my mind. I hate you so much it makes me sick; it even makes me rhyme. I hate it, I hate the way you're always right. I hate it when you lie. I hate it when you make me laugh, even worse when you make me cry. I hate it when you're not around, and the fact that you didn't call. But mostly I hate the way I don't hate you. Not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all."
-10 Things I Hate About You

But why am I dwelling on someone I've already lost? I've got enough problems in the present. Ryan is acting weird. I've hardly even gotten to talk to him on the phone. The one time I went out of my way to see him. He seemed excited to see me, at least I thought, but at the same time he was really standoffish. And PB...well I don't think I'll ever know what's up with him.

Showtime on the Showboat opening today. Gotta run.

Signing off,
Abigail.

I'll See You In My Dreams

Dreams. Nightmares.

Usually, there is such a definite line between "dream" and "nightmare".

My last dream blurred that line. It diluted it so much that I'm not sure if it exists anymore.

Such a glorious dream while it happened, but now, back in reality, it just hurts to think that it won't happen. It hurts to know how wonderful I felt in that first second of waking up. It hurts to admit that at least part of me would like for it to happen, stupid as that is. Stupid because of how he treated me and stupid because it's such a pipe dream.

But I haven't felt so glorious (as I did in the dream and waking up) since this all blew up in my face.

Will it be a recurring dream? A sort of story line of dreams?

Would that be good or bad?

My emotions are fucked.

I'll see you in my dreams
And I'll hold you in my dreams
Someone took you right out of my arms
Still I feel the thrill of your charms
Lips that once were mine
Tender eyes that shine
They will light my way tonight
I'll see you in my dreams.

Signing off,
Abigail

On The Move

Lately, I feel like a nomad.

I feel almost constantly in motion. I go from one place to the next, eating when I can, sleeping where I can. I never stop. I took the weekend to go to my family reunion in Black, MO and I came home on Sunday and wasn't even here for fifteen minutes before I was walking out the door with plans outside of my house (despite the fact that I had a pretty bad cold). I wake up, go to work, work on the show if I have time between, go to rehearsal, go out.

I spend so much time away from my house that it's beginning to not feel like home. It's starting to feel like just another stop along the way.

At any given time, I have at least five things pressing on my mind:

Costumes. Lines. Dances. Music. Lyrics. Schedules. Deadlines. Money. Hours. Friends. Family. Dinner. Sleep. Writing. Lessons. School. Car. Outfit. Boys. Cleaning. Piercings. Tattoos. Sick. Organize. Photograph. Facebook. Twitter. Blogspot. Texts. Party. Chill. Decorate. Love. Shopping. Movies. Coffee. Sleep. Food. Gas. Park. Dress. Voice. Work. Job. Shows. Tech. School. Dog. Phone. Computer. QT. Miss you.

Signing off,
Abigail

Shameless Plug

I had my first rehearsal for Showtime on the Showboat tonight, and I am officially excited!

The show is a short melodrama for kids, and for those of you who need a reminder, a melodrama is a story that has a villian in a mustache and a cape who wants to steal the heart of the dame, but is foiled by the hero of the story, and a pianist playing music to match the mood. Showtime is SO cute and after rehearsal tonight, it's, unlike our other shows so far, VERY enjoyable from the adult perspective as well. I high recommend you guys see it.

Showtime on the Showboat runs July 11, 18 and 25 and August 1 at noon. Tickets are $5 each, and you get a free hot dog for every ticket purchased! Come see the show, and bring your friends!

Signing off,
Abigail

Wild At Heart

This summer feels like a roller coaster ride.

I've been down lately. I'm letting certain people get into my head and under my skin and I've let them bog me down with their bullshit. I hate how depressing and dull I have become in the past couple of weeks. I let myself get comfortable coasting along and doing whatever anyone else wanted to do. It's time to change.

I want to go back to be wild and care free; to doing what pleases me when I want to do it; to making choices for myself. I want to do things that I thought I never would do, just because my friends are doing them. I want to live in the moment. I want to not make plans and to live day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute.

"That rebel moon is shining, those stars burn like diamonds hell bent on chasing down that crazy slide. I'll follow you where you're leading, to the first sweet taste of freedom. You got me running, baby, wild at heart."
- Gloriana

Signing off,
Abigail

EDIT: P.S. I am starting a band and writing a musical. Busy summer!

Ess Ess Ess

The summer is shaping up nicely, especially now that the weather's beautiful again. I spent the first half of the day up at Blackburn with Stevie, and then we decided to spend the next couple of hours at Art Hill, which is hands down one of the prettiest places in Saint Louis.

I went to the Stupid Ass Shindig last night with Courtney and her family. It was at this really neat little bar downtown and the people were AWESOME. They were doing free airbrushing, everyone had really neat cars and motorcycles and they weren't carding. It was an absolutely fantastic night.

Well, folks, I didn't have as much to say as I thought. I'm going to head back outside for the last of the sunshine. Probably gonna take a walk on Grant's Trail.

P.S. Goldschlager is a heavenly creation.

Signing off,
Abigail

What Is A Friend?

I do not think I can define friendship to you. I can, however, tell you what I do to be the best possible friend I can be.

I will never judge you.
I will always listen to you.
I will believe in you, no matter what.
I will be someone you can trust in.
I will make sure that you don't have to face the world alone.
I will call you out on your stupidity, even if I don't do it in a mean way.
I will be there for you, always, for as long as you let me be.

I like to think that I am a good friend. I hope I am right about that.

Even if one of my friends does something that I don't like, I try to work it out. All I want to do is help. They may succeed in disappointing me, but that will never change how much I love them.

On a side note: It better never happen again.

I am slowly becoming too tired to function. It's been a long day. Good night!

Signing off,
Abigail

Now.

I know I made a list of things to do by the end of May, but I think list-making is interfering with trying to teach myself to live day to day.

"With the past, I have nothing to do; nor with the future. I live now."
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

So, I am throwing out the list. Still, let's see what I have done.

1. Memorize Cinderella Goes Disco (by May 2nd) - DONE!
2. Clean my room - HALF DONE!
3. Clean out my car, Bertha - DONE!
4. Purge my clothing
5. Reorganize my clothing
6. Perform in Cinderella Goes Disco - DONE MAY 30
7. Trick out the lounge in the mall space - CAN'T DO
8. Sing at the Crestwood Art Space opening - DONE
9. Call Jennifer about the job.
10. Pay Miranda for Paramore/No Doubt tickets
11. Pay Carrie for Rent tickets (by April 30) - DONE
12. Pay off credit card - Not done, but I DID make arrangements for a special payment plan, and made the first payment
13. Read five new books
14. Start running - DONE
15. Sell back books
16. Attend theatre banquet - DONE
17. Reconnect with at least one old friend
18. Pass playwriting - DONE
19. Finish That 70's Show
20. Buy a pretty dress - DONE! (I bought 2)

So, I got half of my list completely done. I am still really happy with that.

The pool opens tomorrow. I am so excited! We had our meeting on Wednesday, and then I got certified for CPR and rescue breathing on Thursday (Those mannequins are creepy). I worked a parish picnic today (and made bank). John paid about time and a half, in cash. He really is a good guy. I hope memberships go up soon. I don't want to see the pool hurting because of the recession.

It's going to be a great week though. I am working 29 hours! More than anyone else, I think. That means my paycheck in two weeks is going to be beastly. Also, I work with Jenny tomorrow, Gwen on Sunday, and Lisa (favorite!!) every day except for Saturday and Monday. I love Indian Hills Swim Club!

I have a lot to look forward to this summer: Oklahoma, Rent, Showtime on the Showboat, Nunsense Amen, family reunion.

Oklahoma auditions are coming up. I am auditioning and running auditions on Friday the 5th. I REALLY want Ado Annie. Greg and I have been working on her stuff, and I hope it pays off. I have never really gone into a Marble Stage show wanting a part at all. Wanting this part so desperately is either going to pay off and the hard work I am putting in will win me the role, or it will hurt me when someone beats me and I am disappointed. I am going to go and talk to Lulu and see what she says about it.

Rent is coming back to the Fox, and I am so excited because Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal are reprising their roles as Mark and Roger for this tour. This will be the third time in a row I have seen this show. I probably wouldn't have gone this time, but Anthony Rapp and Adam Pascal...I can't miss them!

I have had so much fun doing Cinderella Goes Disco that I volunteered for Showtime on the Showboat in July. It is a melodrama and I play the heroine, Heather Heartthrob. We will start rehearsals next month. I can't wait, especially because Paul is in it!

Also in July is my family reunion. It is not my entire extended family, just my dad's parents, and all of their kids and their families. That may sound small to you, but my dad is one of eleven, and everybody is/was married and has kids except for one. And no one has fewer than two kids. And a lot of my cousins even have kids. Yikes! It's a good thing we have over two hundred acres to roam. I'm pretty sure now that my Aunt Julie is officially insane, I'm going to need the space.

And the last major show of the summer will be Nunsense Amen. It's the Nunsense we all know and love, except all of the nuns are played by men. I'm assistant stage managing it, and Ricki (the stage manager) and I get to dress up like Catholic school girls. Woo-hoo!

That's all for now bloggers. Just getting you caught up!

Signing off,
Abigail

School is out! I probably could have put a lot more effort into the past two semesters academically, but no regrets, right? I'll just have to buckle down one of these days.

Acting was really great today. That class has been really stressful at times, but I am going to miss it. There were a lot of great people in it that I'm going to miss - hopefully I'll see some of them in Acting II next semester! It was really cool to see everyone's growth, too. I love classes that produce such growth in people, I love to observe that change. I should probably be a teacher.

I also feel GREAT about my monologue. Yes, there were things I wish I would have done better, but I got great audience reactions and had fun doing it and that is what matters. Also, my song was VERY well received - which I was so nervous about! I'm probably a better singer than I am an actress, but because of that my singing means more to me than my acting. I am MUCH more vulnerable to people's opinions of my singing.

I'm also really excited that so many more "real people" are getting Twitter. It's a fun (and apparently more reliable) way to keep in touch. I really hated Twitter at first, but I'm glad I kept with it. It can be really interesting to see what people consider worth saying in 140 characters.

Very light blog tonight. Sorry folks. My deeper thoughts are much more personal lately.

Signing off,
Abigail

Trial and Error

Lately I have been itching to get out of St. Louis. I love it here, don't get me wrong. I don't want to go away forever. I think. But I want to go away for a week, or a month, or a year. I don't know where. I just want to leave. I want to explore. I want to live in a different place all the time. I want to travel the world. I want to have a friend in as many countries as possible. I want to pick up and walk away from everything I know so that I will be forced to discover things about myself that I didn't know. I am tired of reading about the world. Well, that's not completely true. I will never tire of reading. But I want to see it for myself. Instead of looking at pictures online, I want to look at pictures that I took with my own camera.

I want to be crazy and let go of my inhibitions. I've been doing a pretty good job at that but I just want to not care about what people think of me. I want to live for myself and do what I want to do. There are things I do that my friends hate the idea of. There are things I want to do that my friends hate the idea of. Why should I care? Well, I live for my friends. I don't want to lose my friends. But are they really my friends if they would judge me for something that I want to do? That's a question I don't know the answer to.

In other news...

My updated list:
1. DONE
2. Clean my room
3. Clean out my car, Bertha
4. Purge my clothing
5. Reorganize my clothing
6. Perform in Cinderella Goes Disco
7. Cannot be done due to outside circumstances, unless company members prove themselves to be shockingly productive.
8. DONE
9. Call Jennifer about the job.
10. Pay Miranda for Paramore/No Doubt tickets
11. DONE
12. Pay off credit card
13. Read five new books
14. DONE
15. Sell back books
16. Attend theatre banquet
17. Reconnect with at least one old friend
18. Pass playwriting
19. Finish That 70's Show
20. Buy a pretty dress

I'm lacking in productivity...but also, I have begun several items on the list but cannot cross them off yet.

Signing off,
Abigail

Orienting Goals

I'm double blogging tonight. I have put nearly every responsibility on hold while working on Pterodactyls. It's not that I couldn't handle it all; but I was having so much fun working on the show, and I didn't want to take away from that. Pretty pathetic excuse, eh?

But now it's time to buckle down. It's time to get stuff done.

A list of things I want to accomplish by 11:59 p.m. on May 31st:

1. Memorize Cinderella Goes Disco (by May 2nd)
2. Clean my room
3. Clean out my car, Bertha
4. Purge my clothing
5. Reorganize my clothing
6. Perform in Cinderella Goes Disco
7. Trick out the lounge in the mall space
8. Sing at the Crestwood Art Space opening
9. Call Jennifer about the job.
10. Pay Miranda for Paramore/No Doubt tickets
11. Pay Carrie for Rent tickets (by April 30)
12. Pay off credit card
13. Read five new books
14. Start running
15. Sell back books
16. Attend theatre banquet
17. Reconnect with at least one old friend
18. Pass playwriting
19. Finish That 70's Show
20. Buy a pretty dress

Signing off,
Abigail

Second Chance At Love

Puppy mills, which operate with the knowledge of the government by calling themselves "commercial breeders", breed dogs in incredibly high numbers and usually sell to pet shops. Typically, the conditions of a puppy mill are horrid - dogs often spend their entire lives moving from cage to cage, never knowing what it's like to run around. Females are bred constantly - they have a litter and are forced to get pregnant as soon as the puppies are weaned - until they die. It's often hundreds of dogs fighting for small amounts of food and water, and most never receive veterinary care.

And although many of these dogs have the potential to have a happy ending when a nice family buys them, they are often given up at a local shelter because puppy mill dogs often have severe mental and physical conditions.

Missouri is known as a "puppy mill state", and may even have the highest number of puppy mills in the country. It's estimated that the industry is valued at 40 million dollars here. The industry isn't monitored by the government at all, because nothing is done by the government until it is too late. But there is hope.

Finally, the public eye is starting to open to the reality of puppy mills. Over the past few months, several Missouri puppy mills have been raided (after calls from suspicious neighbors) and hundreds of dogs of all ages have been surrendered to the Humane Society of Missouri (HSMO). Now, the HSMO needs your help. These dogs, starting this week, have begun to go up for adoption. These dogs have been nursed back to health, been spayed and neutered and have begun basic training. All they need now is a second chance at love. If you or any one you know is looking for a new dog (or any pet, for that matter) please tell them about the dogs at the HSMO. In order for them to continue to help dogs, they need the space to keep taking them in. There are dogs of all ages, colors, sizes and breeds. You may be concerned about these dogs having come from a puppy mill's substandard conditions, but the HSMO would never put a dog up for adoption that wasn't ready for a family. I know only a few people read this blog, but I felt compelled to say something. Please, if anyone you know is looking for a dog, pass this message on. I am even considering getting a four legged friend for the dog I have now.

The title of this blog links to the HSMO's adoptable pets page.

Signing off,
Abigail

Stop The Hate

Hate Week. A good concept overall. I've been looking forward to seeing how it went.

The focal point of this week long "activity" (for lack of a better word) was the Hate Wall. The purpose of the hate wall, is for people to cover it with the cruel names that they have been called, or to write down other things that have hurt them. Even things that they hate about themselves. And then it was going to be destroyed. (Destroying the hate.)

I was appalled to see written on the back of this wall, "I hate" followed by the name of a friend of mine. It would sadden me to see that written about anybody, but it just makes it worse for me because it's someone I know. And to be honest, I don't even know how you could hate her. She is one of the most perpetually awesome people I know.

I don't think I want to see hate week back. Not if something like this can happen. It really is a good idea, but obviously people on campus are no where near mature enough to handle it.

I fear I'll never stop being disappointed by the human race. Stop the hate.

"A true man hates no one."
- Napoleon Bonaparte

Signing off,
Abigail

RE: Excuse Me?!

Stevie, I am posting a response to your latest on here because I cannot seem to comment on your blog itself. Here goes...

This makes me sad. It reminds me of something similar when I was a junior, although, you are lucky that you get to go.

A good friend of mine was a senior at Cor Jesu, a Catholic girls' high school, and wasn't dating anyone at the time, and instead of asking a guy friend, she wanted to share the night with me, her friend. However, we couldn't even think about it because at Cor Jesu (and many other religiously affiliated schools) the girls are not allowed to bring same sex dates to dances.

Besides the obvious discrimination against homosexual couples, that just puts ridiculous amounts of pressure on young women! You MUST find a boy to bring (sorry to all of you stuck in your socially awkward phase) or hang out with friends from your school. Now, I guess it's not so bad to hang out with only school friends, but what if your best friend goes somewhere else, or worse, what if you just don't have any friends at school? You shouldn't be denied your prom if you still want it. It's infuriating. That has always made me mad.

It's time for the Church's discrimination to end as well, but that's a different discussion for another day.

Signing off,
Abigail

Red Sees Red

Kitty: Okay, let's watch some T.V. because that makes us all happy. Okay, here we go...the "Brady Bunch Variety Hour" is on.
Red: Oh, who the hell gave those people an entire hour?
Kitty: Well, I think this program is fun for the whole family. They've got Charro, and, and the rock band "Kiss". Okay see, now this is nice. A nice family, who gets along, and sings, and dances.
Eric: Yeah, I love the Bradys. Oh, remember that episode where Mr. Brady went completely insane and put bells on all the doors?
Red: Hey, did you see the one where Greg was a real wise-ass, and Mr. Brady took him outside and cleaned is clock?
Lori: Did you ever see the one where I hated living here?!
Hyde: That one's my favorite.

I'm going through watching the entire That '70s Show series. I forgot how much I love this show. I'm also in love with the fashion and my wardrobe is beginning to reflect that. This excerpt from season three really made me laugh and I felt like posting it. That's all.

EDIT: Further into the episode, a scene plays out in Kitty's imagination where the Brady Bunch Variety Hour turns into the Foreman Bunch Variety Hour. Eric and Hyde announced their departure from the show, and then Shirley Jones enters and the boys tell Kitty they are leaving to join the Partridge family. And to make it better, Shirley calls Lori a whore. This show is great!

Signing off,
Abigail

Planet of the Dead

(I won't be explaining the plot of the episode, but would still beware spoilers, starting NOW.)

"Your song is ending, sir. It is returning. It is returning through the dark. And then, Doctor, he will knock four times."
- Carmen, from Planet of the Dead

And so begins David Tennant's final stretch in his most celebrated role as the Doctor. I must admit that I think my expectations were too high for Planet of the Dead. I think, in an ordinary season (not this season of specials) where I was unaware of impending regeneration, I would have very much enjoyed this episode. I'm sure they will get better. I really liked the foreshadowing at the end (see quote). It was pleasantly creepy and it's so nice to have something to babble on about while we wait for the Waters of Mars.

What is returning? The Master? Davros? The Weeping Angels? Dalek or Cyberman, yet again? The Doctor was warned throughout the past season about the darkness. The Ood, also last season, told the Doctor, "Your song must end soon." And if you haven't already connected the four knocks, just think back to theMaster's hypnotic drumming from season three.

The Doctor also told Lady Christina that he would never bring another companion onto the TARDIS. This surely won't last forever. The question is, when will he break? Who do we want to see back? Lady Christina has already asked (and she is a rumored possibility), but personally, at this point I want to see Malcom join the Doctor. I enjoyed his character a lot.

And last - will Donna be back? She's rumored to have been seen on set. She could just be visiting...but is she filming?

This will be a long wait...Novemberish. Expect a "nightmarish" episode. And hope for a release on Halloween?



Signing off,
Abigail

The Rose of Battle

Rose of all Roses, Rose of all the world!
You, too, have come where the dim tides are hurled
Upon the wharves of sorrow and heard ring
The bell that calls us on; the sweet far thing.
Beauty grown sad with it's eternity
Made you of us, and the dim grey sea.
Our long ships loose thought-woven sails and wait,
For God has bid them share and equal fate;
And when at last, defeated in His wars,
They have gone down under the same white stars,
We shall no longer here the little cry
Of our sad hearts, that may not live nor die

From The Rose of Battle, by W.B. Yeats

I think too much. I need an outlet. I also wanted to share this poem with you. Actually, what I've shared above is only an excerpt; it's a long poem, and if you enjoy it or take an interest in it, then it is easily found.

The 'plot' of this poem is simple. A battle, a war is being fought but the speaker reasons that the fighting will not bring peace, and begs any man who has loved a woman to return home to her, the Rose.

This is an Irish poem and speaks immensely to it's bloody history. The Irish have always fought. The Irish fought against British rule, and the Irish Protestants fought against the Irish Catholics. And in Yeats' time, there was no victory. The Nationalist resistance of the British was futile, which gives the poem a sad romance, for as long as the fight continues, the Rose, the devoted women of Ireland, were doomed to lose their champions to the violent history of their land.

I hope I got you thinking a little bit. I've gotten into poetry lately, especially poetry with such historic themes (I've always been a history buff).

Signing off,
Abigail